Stress Management and Aging

If there is one accepted fact across today’s society, it is that everybody suffers from some variety and degree of stress. It is also generally agreed that we live in a screwed-up world where much of today’s reality makes no sense whatsoever, so the best you can hope for is to somehow find ways to effectively cope and remain reasonably sane in the process. 

Nowhere is this more evident than with those of us over 50, and once we reach this point in life, pretty much everything seems to bug us. Long gone is the simplicity of the 20^th century. That wonderful quasi-predictable time we grew up in, is barely a memory for many “boomers” who find themselves struggling to just keep their heads above water physically, economically and mentally. Today, the most consistent feature of western society is the chaos. It is all around us, it is getting worse and showed up with its equally diabolical twin, called uncertainty. 

We all think that we understand stress and know that it can have horrible impact on the human body both physically and emotionally. Most have come to understand that many of the diseases associated with aging such as heart disease, high blood pressure, Alzheimer’s, and almost all cancers are to varying degrees accelerated by it. Stress is responsible for murders, most other crimes of violence, as well as the lion’s share of the mental/emotional diseases currently rampant across society. Perhaps the most devastating outcome being the alarming rise in the number of suicides, the consummate by-product of the complete loss of all hope.  According to the “CDC”, our 50 plus demographic collectively represents the largest number of suicides with incidence rates 4 times higher for males. (1)  Suicides have increased 37% between 2000 and 2022, and there is evidence that this number will sadly continue to rise, with all directly linked to the consummate parasite stress.

Regardless of cause, when the strain of it is significant enough, either in magnitude or duration, it will, without a doubt find a way to kill you well before your appointed time. It is a perfect predator, seeking out and preying upon inherent weakness, then devouring its victims from the inside. It is disease’s insidious shape-shifter mother.  You feel her presence, but she is often far too clever to be found out until after the damage is done. As with any intervention, recognition is the first step to resolution.

To more fully understand stress, it is paramount to first identify its sources as well as your individual and unique responses to them. In my experience, for most of us over the age of 50, the most common manifestation is the hydra called anxiety. According to a 2022 article by Nancy Loverling, published on the “PsychCentral” website, “Stress is a physiological and behavioral response to immediate threats, while anxiety is a long-term emotional state that can persist even without a specific stressor. “The author goes on to note that “anxiety is a worry or dread about things that might go wrong, that can often linger after an unwanted experience is over and done.” The greatest contributors to chronic stress and anxiety as we age are financial vulnerability, health uncertainty, the perception of a general loss of control in our lives, the lack of a sense of purpose, feelings of remorse over missed opportunities or failed decisions, and an over-arching realization that the ultimate reality, death, is circling in for the kill. No one is immune to its ravages, but the damage can be mitigated with the right strategy and a little discipline.

Before we unpack the gameplan, lets do a little reality check by establishing one life-defining fact. You do not have a snowballs chance in hell of conquering or even controlling the stress in your life until you accept that only you are responsible for you…full stop! If you believe for a moment that a knight in shining armour is going to ride up and somehow make things right for you, go back to watching re-runs of Gilligan’s Island and I Dream of Genie. If you think that the government is going to finally step up and take care of your needs, you could not be more wrong. It is bankrupt, functionally inept, and contrary to posturing otherwise, you, as an aging citizen, are not even on its radar screen. In fact, the evidence shows that those in command see us as a nuisance expense that must; at least for the time being, be tolerated. Any hope for improvement in your life going forward will be nothing more, (or sadly less), than a direct reflection of the effort you put into achieving it. 

One thing that I have learned over 47 years of patient interaction is that happiness is a very relative thing and has surprising less to do with financial circumstances and creature comforts than you would imagine. Yes, we all must eat, need reasonable access to health services, and require a roof over our heads, but beyond that, it has been my experience that the biggest influencers of an older person’s happiness and ability to deal efficiently with stress revolves around their perception of who is in control. Not simply over their lives, but the level of perceived command embedded in it. The companions to this are the reasons one possesses to justify getting up in the morning…the need for purpose. (I must add observationally that many of those who live in misery, have consciously or unconsciously forfeited both.) They react to life rather than plan for it.

Many have orphaned their dreams and aspirations through buying into the tribe mentality of being too old or infirmed to be of functional value and in doing so, created a life of unrelenting stress by abdicating responsibility for pretty much anything. In doing so, they have effectively relegated their position in life to that of victim. I know that some of you are thinking that I am a sanctimonious bastard for being so negatively blunt, and you may be right. But, let me share this certainty, the aging sector of our society (those over the age of 55) are by far its most vulnerable segment. In many respects we have less rights and privileges than a newborn. We have been insidiously conditioned by the system to give up, get out of the way, don’t create any waves and please make way for the entitled youth. If this is the world you buy into, then there is not much point in going forward with this article, but if you are committed to creating a better life, the following may just serve as a starting point for getting there.

There is no magic fix to remedy stress, but that famous old saying, “If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got, “provides the key. One way or another something must change for life to get better and that means a little work will be involved, so let’s get at it.

As mentioned earlier on, you can only fix what you know. So, the first step in any successful strategy for stress management is found in the clear identification of where the problems are. This may at first seem ominous, but surprisingly often, it is not so difficult. You would assume that everyone has an awareness of the major stressors in his or her life and this is probably so, but few take the time to consciously identify them or the real extent of their impact. Sit down for ten minutes and list what you perceive to be the sources of stress in your life. Now I am not referring to everything that serves as an annoyance, as that would be a total waste of energy and time. I am talking about listing the core negative circumstances and components of your life that consistently serve to dominate your thoughts or generate feelings of angst, unease, dread or worry. Having done that, review your list and now cross off the things that you have no direct control over or hope of influencing, like the government, the economy, Trump, the weather, or world peace. Now dig a little deeper and cross off the things that are more in your face, but still are out of your control, such as other people’s lives. If you can’t reasonably influence them, then these things are out of your control. They are mind manure. I can already hear someone saying: “You don’t understand, I worry about my kids, it’s natural for a parent to do so.” Well, it may be natural, but we are talking about survival here, and unless there is something that you can do to change their circumstances for the better then how is going down that road not at least a little like insanity? Humour me, there is a point here. For most people, once they have honestly completed the above exercise, they come face to face with their actual stress demons and the interesting observation by most people is that often there are a whole lot fewer real sources of stress than they imagined. For most of the people who do this, the end number is between three and five. Now, this is where it gets interesting, because when you get rid of the mind manure and all the annoyances, three to five real problems suddenly appear much less daunting and intellectually manageable. Having parred things down to the short list of real stressors, again take ten minutes to prioritize the remaining items in terms of your ability to manage or impact them. Let me give you an example: A 62-year-old patient of mine named Mary Jane, completed the above work and came up with three key stressors in her life. The first was her health. She was a diabetic with high blood pressure arthritis and was overweight by over 50 lbs. The second was that she was alone and lonely. A widow of two years and her two children lived out of province. She was not close to her siblings, and her deceased husband Bill was the sole focus of her life. The third major cause of grief was her finances. Although she had a pension as well as monies from Bill’s insurance, he was the one who took care of the finances and as such she found that whole process daunting. Her initial list contained a whole myriad of perceived stressors, but when boiled down, the above three served to consume most of her attention and formed the lion’s share of her stress. Suddenly, when facing her real problems, there arose a bonafide clarity and understanding. With a little help from the right professionals, we were able to start the process of reclaiming her health through diet modifications, a program of purposeful movement and a personalized exercise strategy. We set her up with a social worker specializing in seniors’ integration into compatible social settings and introduced her to a credible financial planner. Initially on a stress scale where 10 is unbearable and 1 is saint-like, Mary Jane scored an 8, and three months after completing the process, her stress level was a 3. With the right help and strategy, she was not only coping better, but was more engaged with life, healthier, fostered new relationships and interests, and at the end of the day she was far happier with her world. Most importantly to this writing, none of the above required a lot of money or effort. Stress management is critical in all stages of life, but perhaps mostly as we age. We naturally lose some of the resilience of youth and the energy to fight does not run as deep as we get older, making the need for effective strategies for dealing with life’s bumps and bruises more critical to our remaining life satisfaction. I strongly encourage you to do the above exercise, as just clarity derived from doing the inventory can be life changing. If upon completion of the process you find yourself unable to access the needed resources to deal with your issues of concern, feel free to contact me at dougpooleydc1@gmail.com and my team and I will do our best to secure the appropriate professionals for your needs.

In closing I want to leave you with one thought: There are exceptional resources available to aid in both the identification and effective management of issues or circumstances responsible for stress and anxiety but, when it’s all boiled down, you are the only person capable of fixing you. Nobody but you can effectively manage your stress, so do the best friend you will ever have…yourself, a massive favour by starting the process of taking control by committing to not living with any unnecessary demons any longer.

Good luck on your journey!

Final thoughts…

One massive step in the stress management process will be found in collectively taking control of the world we live in. As a demographic (over 55) we possess more discipline, life experience, creative imagination, and work-hardened grit than the generations following us. We know how to lead with courage and effectiveness, possess a clarity drawn from 55 plus years of battles both won and lost, and wisdom born out of perspective. Traditionally, society’s patriarchs have been the keepers of knowledge and final portal for the decision-making process. Not anymore.  Over the last 50 or so years, we have abdicated that role at all levels, and in doing so, done a catastrophic disservice to the community while creating a dangerous vulnerability for ourselves. I believe the existing pressure for governance is skewed towards the demands of more vocal and socially self-centered minorities and a younger demographic. This, in many cases is at the expense of the collective needs of an aging population. People, we are slipping ever further down the ladder of the “need for attention” hierarchy. Those of us over the age of 55 must unite to create a new matrix for reasonable growth, ethical empowerment and future directed purposeful governance.

Reference Note: Garnett MF, Spencer MR, Weeks JD. Suicide among adults age 55 and older, 2021. NCHS Data Brief, no 483. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics. 2023. DOI: https://doi.org/10.15620/cdc:133701.

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About the Author: Dr. POOLEY has been in practice for over 46 years, is a former champion bodybuilder and author of the book the Un-Diet Diet.